i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
