fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
