I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize