dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i already hear my dad disowning me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
