I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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