doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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