new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
