So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
