He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There r osticjed everywhere
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
