they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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