Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
