I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
