when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Shame is for Republicans.
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