Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
