we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
