i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
