i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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