Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
