So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
