is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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