I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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