I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
