I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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