every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
