Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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