I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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