So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
