Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize