You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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