My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
