update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
