JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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