Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
