Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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