Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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