Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
