Apparently you make a good broom.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
