I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
