no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So vagazzling was a success
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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