i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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