good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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