he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
