fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
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we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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