I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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