so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
