I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
