According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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