So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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