I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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