Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
