Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
