you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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