Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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