"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
