Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
