You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
