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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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