Duck Duck Cougar?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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