Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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