are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
