Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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