It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
