Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
