i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
