at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
