She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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