You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
