i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
