hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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