Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
