i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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