remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
