I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
