Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
