i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
