where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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