I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
