I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
