you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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