my vag is so smooth its legendary
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
