It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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