the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
